A clown’s job

He takes a long and proud bow before rushing behind the curtains’ red majesty. At least, in his mind he’s allowed to do that; a clown can never cry before the public,  or the dripping tears against his white make up would wash away his mask of happiness, the sole altruistic purpose of his existence. So he laughs instead and when he does it,  his two cheeks blow up like two puffy balls lining up with the bigger red one, the round, funny nose, practically a declaration of joy for all the kids still believing in the world’s smile. Like Santa Claus’s white bird, a clown’s red nose is there to cover all the world’s underneath lies about human being’s cruelty. No, they actually don’t exist. That’s why clowns laugh, to believe that every night there’s still an audience willing to accept his smiling world as the curtains’ red majesty opens up again.

What would be thy happiness if thou hadst not those for whom thou shinest!

 
Could our knowledge turn into wisdom, without the possibility to share it with people?
Can our experience reallistically become our inner growth, our acquired maturity, 
without reflecting it into the world's mirror?
Unfortunately, often we learn from bad experience, 
from confronting ourselves with people who have hurt us, deeply sometimes.
Nevertheless, contextually, we also learn from every experience and from every type of person, 
even from the apparent most superficial, sometimes. 
That's why, it's always worth it to interact with everybody. 
For better or worse, you can only learn out of it. 
I'm always a little sceptical  about people talking  from a pedistal. 
Why don't they want to talk at everybody's same level?
I guess descending from the mountain always take courage...
 
Thus Spoke  Zarathustra: 
 Prologue-Part 1
"WHEN Zarathustra was thirty years old, he left his home and the lake
of his home, and went into the mountains. There he enjoyed his
spirit and his solitude, and for ten years did not weary of it. But at
last his heart changed,- and rising one morning with the rosy dawn, he
went before the sun, and spake thus unto it:
  Thou great star! What would be thy happiness if thou hadst not those
for whom thou shinest!
  For ten years hast thou climbed hither unto my cave: thou wouldst
have wearied of thy light and of the journey, had it not been for
me, mine eagle, and my serpent.
  But we awaited thee every morning, took from thee thine overflow,
and blessed thee for it.
  Lo! I am weary of my wisdom, like the bee that hath gathered too
much honey; I need hands outstretched to take it.
  I would fain bestow and distribute, until the wise have once more
become joyous in their folly, and the poor happy in their riches.
  Therefore must I descend into the deep: as thou doest in the
evening, when thou goest behind the sea, and givest light also to
the nether-world, thou exuberant star!
  Like thee must I go down, as men say, to whom I shall descend.
  Bless me, then, thou tranquil eye, that canst behold even the
greatest happiness without envy!
  Bless the cup that is about to overflow, that the water may flow
golden out of it, and carry everywhere the reflection of thy bliss!
  Lo! This cup is again going to empty itself, and Zarathustra is
again going to be a man.
 
  Thus began Zarathustra's down-going."
 
Nietzsche
 
 

Eco

Solitudine, orecchio dell’anima.

Loosened, like my shirt

Loosened, like my shirt, I’m walking back home. 

Loosened, like my tie, the tension at the end of tonight, of its crowd. 

A “great Gasby party”, tonight, by the pool, for my friend’s birthday;

The stars, the music, champagne for everybody. Somebody is not here tonight. 

I sang tonight, after so many years. I take the mic. I’m shaking a little.

I  start singing, looking around; people are with me. They follow me.

Here we go again, after years, I haven’t felt that: I sing, I free my breath out of my longues, I push the diaphragm as hard as I can: the crowd disappears before my eyes and so the shaking before myself.

I’m looking around, beyond my friends, the pool, over the trees. 

I reach the dark and that’s where I stop. In peace. 

I almost don’t hear the music anymore. I go with the flow.

I keep hitting that note, the higher I go, the freer I feel:

The piano in my ears, the lights in my face. Your face in my mind.

That’s where I want to stay now…

Loosened, like my heart, I’m going to sleep now.

It’s the dawn.  The birds are singing now.

I close my eyes and I go with the flow again.

 Good night      

Not today. I’m out of your games

No, today leave me out of your games. This is not what I do. This is not how I want to play with you today.

A dice. That’s what I am.

Stop rolling us at your own will, as you wish, with your eyes blinded, like Fortune, if that’s one of your other names.

I put my gun on the table. It’s not loaded anyway today. I can’t fight. Not today. 

 Suggestions? No, today I can’t hear any. I can’t give any. None. Silence around me, around my world with all these people and their wasted hum. 

Is that alright?

 I look around to find anything vaguely resembling a hint, some bearings to hold on to.

Silence in my ears. Silence in my eyes.

I cannot see anything today. Out of focus: Am I too close, or am I too far?  

In silence, I’m living this day with my solitude, far away from here, because I can’t breathe. Far away;

To a parallel world with my imagination, or to  better days with my nostalgia? No, this is not the right time to evade.

Do we love so to conveniently escape from ourselves, or we actually search for somebody, for a friend, so to finally find ourselves?

No, today leave me out of your games.

Scent of an emotion

How do you exactly catch an emotion and make it yours? Is writing, or maybe painting enough not to make it vanish?

How do you view it rotating around it of 360 degrees, so to admire and discover every tiny shade, or hear every note of it?

It’s like a perfume:  as you feel the scent, it’s gone, you can’t catch it, if not in your memories.  Too slow anyway. It’s impossible. Unless, of course,  you read the book, “Perfume”. Then, you would know that it’s something so ethereal to possess that it may be even something worth to kill for to make it finally still. For the scent, or for the emotion that it makes you feel? Then, I definitely want to live as long as I can to find it again, feel it again, catch it and be one with that. 

Scent of an emotion. Like the wind. You can’t see it, you only feel it. Scent of an emotion.

Catch it if you can.